I think I might start a new American reality show. Maybe I call it “America’s Next Worst Habit”. Or how about, “So You Think You Have Good Manners?” But I’m not convinced anyone (present readers excluded, of course) would watch it.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Traveling my favorite state refreshed me with its breathtaking beauty (Highway 1 between San Luis Obispo and Monterey) and quaint oases (i.e. Balboa Island). And for the most part, we were greeted by helpful and friendly residents of gorgeous Orange County. But between eating out and easy access to cable TV (I admit to some HGTV indulgence) I could finance another vacation for every time someone addressed two or more people with, “You guys”.
I don’t always have a problem with this. When my husband and sons are with me and we’re driving through In-n-Out Burger the term does not make me cringe. And in a language and culture that has few words and less protocol to support the gender differences, I can intellectualize why the phrase has risen to prominence. But as lazy language and an unconscious message I can. not. stand. it.
It spilled over into one of my tea experiences last week. A server younger than the two women attending (myself included) called us and the two children attending (my daughter included) “You Guys” through the entire tea, as in “Would you guys like some more tea?” “Are you guys all finished?” “Can I get you guys anything else?”
When addressing my daughter and her cousin (ages 7 and 3) I wish she had said, “Would you GIRLS like some more tea?” And I’m wondering if my generation thinks the word “ladies” is akin to “ma’am” and only for women the generation beyond them? I don’t mind being called a lady. If you are serving women only, why not communicate respect and say, “Are you ladies finished?” And if you’re unsure, consider dropping the labels altogether. Say, “Can I get YOU anything else?” or “How did YOU like the chocolate cake?” You is perfectly acceptable use for addressing more than one person. Even a dear friend at a bridal shower of all women addressed them as “you guys” throughout the event. It’s our new bad habit and we no longer hear it. But it sounds as grating as inserting “like” into every other sentence used to be.
So now it’s your turn. Does it bother you? How do you like to be addressed? What do you like to be called? Do you find ‘girl’ derogatory and ‘lady’ old-fashioned? Are you a server? How do you address your customers? Do you think I’m being nit-picky?
Please leave a comment and tell us what you think.
* jk left a comment pointing out my gross grammar error in the title. Yes, I needed to use “me” as the direct object. Duh! In all fairness though, the post’s purpose was to discuss etiquette, not grammar, so I’m not convinced they can be directly compared.
Alice continues to share great information at Tea in My Cup, including this month’s Don’t Panic Tea (a personal favorite) and a helpful post on Tea for Large Groups. See her archives for the Don’t Panic Tea Plan.
I think these butterfly touches would be welcome at a spring or summer tea party, don’t you?
I’ll be honest, this tea blog totally bugs me. If you’re really interested in why you can ask me. But I will let you know about the list of free tea reads Tea Guy Speaks gathered since I’m always willing to set aside irritation to help promote literacy!
Creme fraiche is one of my favorite indulgences and here’s a recipe for DIY.
Speaking of recipes, this dessert has become my “someone’s coming in a half hour and I want a little touch-of-something to go with our tea” recipe. Even this non-baker can whip them up in five minutes flat. I just keep butterscotch chips on hand.
Lastly, I wish I’d had known about this website last summer when I planned the Sea Spa Tea Party. If you need some inspiration for seaside ambiance, this might help.
This guest post features Donna Collins. She has been planning special events for over 20 years. Her children’s party planning business, Party Wishes, is located in Santa Clarita, CA. Check out her website at www.partywishesscv.com.
Being a children’s party planner, I have the pleasure of introducing children to the wonderful ceremony of having tea. Of course, a child’s tea party is slightly modified from an adult tea party but the elements are basically the same. Whether I’m hosting a party for 2 or 20, there are some simple rules I like to follow.
First the decorations must be festive and capture the imagination. For example, when I host my Mary Poppins Tea Party, I include decor to reflect that of the theme. I have Edwardian inspired china and serving pieces. I have a giant penguin holding a tray of goodies and framed pictures of Mary and Bert on the table. The girls wear Mary Poppins inspired hats with cherries and daisies on them and wear white gloves.
When my daughter and I have a Fairy Tea Party, it is outside under a tree. I attach a pink netted canopy from a branch and spread a blanket out for us to sit on. Don’t be afraid to use your “good china”. It teaches the children to appreciate it and you will be surprised how gently they treat it once you explain the importance of it. My daughter has been sipping out of 100 year old china tea cups since she was 3 years old.
Next, the food should be small and fun to look at. Sandwiches are much more fun to eat when they are shaped like flowers and have a maraschino cherry half as it’s center. Pretzels and marshmallows dipped in chocolate and sprinkles are fun and easy. Chocolate cupcakes frosted red with white chocolate chips (tips pressed in first) look like magical mushrooms! Anything you can put sprinkles, colored sugar, make into different shapes or make a different color usually makes wonderful children tea food. Even scones dusted with colored sugar before baking can become child-like. Some fun cookbooks to reference are the Pink Princess Cookbook and Fairies Cookbook. You can try to introduce real tea to children but I found it is easier to start them off with lemonade. My kids favorite is Raspberry Lemonade.
Of course, the constant in all tea parties is manners. When I host a party for children, I always go over the “rules” of the table. The first item I go over is the magic words- please and thank you. Napkin on your lap and NO slurping! When food is offered and they don’t want one, I tell them it is polite to say “No thank you. I don’t care for any”, not “I don’t like it.” And if they touch-y, they take-y . Look first and then pick up what you want. Only take one of each item, never more than you can eat. That is even difficult for adults when everything looks so yummy! I always have them asked to be excused to leave the table for any reason. It’s amazing how well behaved the children will act when at a tea table and they know what is expected of them.
Although it is not required at adult tea parties, I always like to have an activity for the kids. My daughter and I go on a walk around the neighborhood and collect items to build a fairy house. We then come home and build it together. It’s wonderful to see her little imagination at work and deciding if a certain rock will make a good table or a chair. After the construction is done, we then have our well deserved tea. Just last night, my husband and I introduced our children to the game of croquet. My daughter immediately planned a weekend croquet tournament with a tea party. What a fabulous idea!
Tea Party Girl’s note: Which of Donna’s ideas do you like the best? There are some terrific ones here! Leave a comment and let us know.
I shared this poem in May 2007 and wanted to repost it. This is still the most common misunderstanding about afternoon tea. Google sends me a daily email alert of all tea-related news stories. Community groups announce “High Tea” often. And those of you from the search engines, please take note!
High Tea vs Afternoon Tea
High Tea (essentially It’s Supper)
Beans on toast and leftover roast,
the last meal of the day.
Jeans and shirts, or comfy old skirts,
Slippers are quite okay.
Tea that’s black, the pot with a crack,
placemats for everyday.
Neighbors, mates, or long-standing dates:
Pets won’t be in the way.
Low Tea (Indubitably a Party)
aka: Afternoon Tea
Cakes and tart and scones shaped like hearts,
an afternoon affair.
Frocks and pearls topped with hats and curls,
Perfume applied with a flair.
Fine Earl Grey, a fresh bouquet,
The table set with care.
Invited guests (some dear, some pests).
Manners? Beyond compare!
Poems by J. Camille Korsmo. First appeared in Tea a Magazine Autumn 2005.
Reprinted with permission from the poet.
Did you ever call afternoon tea high tea? Please post a comment and let us know how you learned differently. Was it here?
Did you know that you can host a tea party in your home with minimal work and cost through hosting a direct sales party with the company Set to a Tea? I recently had the chance to talk with Kathleen Rogers, the company’s founder. In this interview you will learn:
How Kathleen’s passion for afternoon tea led her to start a tea party-based business.
What Kathleen recommends for those wanting to replicate an afternoon tea experience in their home.
How simple it is to host a Set to a Tea party.
Why Set to a Tea could be your chance to earn some extra monthly income.
To listen just click on the arrow and adjust your computer’s volume.
Do any of you have experience with Set to a Tea or any other direct sales tea party business? How did it go? Please leave a comment and let us know.
