Have You Recovered from Your Holiday Hosting?

What if you haven’t? If you were to ask me this question today, I’d have to sheepishly admit, not really.

In fact, between storms, New Year’s, lack of Internet, and other demands, I blinked and the double-digit days of January arrived. Tomorrow I welcome one of my college roommates and her two children for a few nights and host our homeschooling moms group here Friday evening. And I can’t say I feel quite up to it.

Now, most of you know, I am a big believer in balanced living and taking breaks. However, I ALSO believe that once I’ve made commitments where backing out affects others, I need to see it through as absolutely best I can. (It’s also why I want to see women feel much more at ease with saying ‘no’ so their “yes” is “YES”!). And so I continue on.

Because the older I get, the more I understand if I’m committed to living, breaks don’t look the same as they used to. Those of you who are parents know what I’m talking about. There’s nothing like parenthood to make one realize there is NO. GOING. BACK. You understand a level of relentlessness in your very gut and rely on strength you never knew you needed, don’t you?

One day, living in a college town, for some reason I no longer remember, I boarded one of the crowded university buses with two children under school-age and a large stroller. As I struggled to get seated, I listened to the students moan and groan about how tired they were and how hard their schedule was. I wanted to laugh, but I almost cried. I’d never been more tired in my life and there was no college-type break to be seen. (Sleeping in? A weekend of movies and take-out? Reading a book as long as I wanted to? Ha!).

Can you believe Valentine’s Day is just a little over one month away? And Easter is only a little over a month after that! It’s way past time for me to replace the Christmas tea party planner with the winter/early spring version. I barely put the Christmas wrapping away and I need to figure out a birthday gift for this Saturday. Life just keeps on moving!

And so the question remains, have you recovered from your holiday hosting? What if you haven’t? What if the next projects/plans/commitments/parties are staring you in the face and a weekend to yourself is no where on the horizon?

Here’s what I do.

I breathe deeply, often.

I spend one half hour at the beginning of the day taking time to think, write, stare into space, pray, whatever I need before I tackle the to-do list.

I sip the mellowing, comforting, and healthy brew of tea throughout the day. Good for fluid intake and simple pleasure.

I screen my calls.

I stick to my basic routine as much as possible and don’t multi-task. This is very hard for my personality and I have to remind myself what I need to be doing over and over again.

And I make room for simple beauty…a lit candle, a grocery store bouquet, the best meal I can afford, and longer hugs.

How about you?

3 comments January 9th, 2008

Nurture All Your Five Senses This Season

With Christmas and winter just around the corner, our longings for a cozy home increase. Shorter days and colder nights invite us to really nurture ourselves and others within the walls of home. Most likely, sometime in the next month, you will find time to host yourself and others within the place you’ve been given to sleep at night. What are the elements that most speak home to you? Hopefully, it’s more than the blue light of the TV signaling the return of a favorite show. (Though I admit great excitement about one in particular).

Over the years, I’ve learned that one of the best ways to help a house feel like home is to think through how to appeal to each of our five senses. It’s so easy to forget to consider all FIVE. One might play music, but add nothing to appeal to the eyes. Or keep a home meticulously clean, but never greet their loved ones with the smell of something baking (too much mess, y’know). When I aim for appealing to my five senses and let it spill over to others, I find so much pleasure in the pursuit. As a result, it’s much easier to let go of perfectionism that can plague many of us hosting events in our homes.

Here’s a list of Tea Party Girl’s favorite and simplest ways to prepare for an event in my home, with the above in mind.

Please the Eyes

1. Take the window spray and quickly wipe down mirrors, picture frames, and fingerprints around door handles.
2. Clear clutter and provide smooth surfaces wherever possible.
3. Lay out a beautiful tablecloth.
4. Turn down harsh lights and add candlelight, firelight, or mini white lights when appropriate.

Add Natural Fragrance

1. Cleanliness matters here more than what one sees. Open the windows, take out the trash, and wipe down the toilet and kitchen floor.
2. Add a great flower bouquet to the entryway or bathroom.
3. Bake or cook something comforting (never eggs!) an hour or two before your guests arrive. Mulled wine or cider is a simple, terrific option this time of year.

Satisfy Hunger

1. Even with my own family, I love to set out tidbits before the main event. Appetizers give guests permission to nibble and gather. Have something out from the beginning.
2. Make something from scratch. Yes, I’m all for great markets helping out harried homemakers. But do we really want ALL supermarket deli and bakery food? Use the best ingredients you can. Cool Whip or Cream of Mushroom soup doesn’t count. In-season produce or meat from the local butcher will take a meal from good to fantastic.
3. Learn about variety and food pairings. Think through the menu and consider how your flavors go together.

Delight the Ear

1. Don’t assume music will add to your event. Sometimes the best sounds are fire crackling, rain falling, or the laughter of friends with no competition.
2. Choose music with no lyrics as background only. Play-lists are fun, but often only for the rockin’ cocktail party.
3. Always turn off the TV when welcoming others into your home.

Offer comforting touches

1. Give real and appropriate hugs. I often hug gentlemen and children from the side to avoid being overbearing while providing a reassuring squeeze. And I always make it a point to offer a warm hug to my single friends. Our society doesn’t touch non-sexually nearly enough.
2. Use natural fabrics whenever possible for sheets, napkins, and towels~whatever will touch your guests’ skin.
3. Place a pump of great lotion in your guest bathroom.

And most importantly~

Always serve the tea hot.

So how about you? What communicates home to you? What helps you delight in spending a winter evening at home? Please share with us in the comments below.

1 comment December 10th, 2007

So How Is Your December Plan Working?

Do you have one? Christmas Day is three weeks (!) from tomorrow. You may already have attended events this weekend that prove the magical season is in full swing. Just last Saturday, four out of the five of us attended three different Christmas-related events.

Personally, thanks to the coaching of Aby at Simplify101, I try to start my plan at the beginning of the last seven weeks of the year. This means my preparation should be halfway done. How about you? Do you feel that your holiday preparation is about halfway over? No, me neither.

Here’s my plan to help you think through yours. No one’s can look the same, of course, but maybe it will help clarify where you are in your process.

Week 1 (November 10-17) Make plan. Decided to not send Christmas cards this year, but choose another holiday instead. (In real life family and friends, take note). Made Inspiration Statement: I will choose simple joys with others over my independent ideals. Not totally sure this is working, it’s a tough habit to break. Deadlines: none.

Week 2 (November 18-24) Choose when to host in-home events and which Christmas Eve service to attend. Make gift lists. Organize what we will wear. Order what I need online for hosting Mom’s Night Out Christmas Dinner and card-making event. Deadline: Thanksgiving at Mom’s–minimal prep needed.

Week 3 (November 25-December 2) Finish online shopping. Gather wrapping supplies. Decorate outside. Clean inside. Decorate downstairs. Deadline: Mom’s Night Out–medium prep needed.

Week 4 (December 3-December 9) Plan menus. Plan birthdays. Prep for carpet install. Deadline: Grandpa’s Birthday–minimal prep. The Learning Center Open House–medium prep.

Did you catch it? Yes, after four and a half years of living with white carpet, red dirt, and three children, my deep pine-green carpets will be installed. My first time getting to choose my own. Lousy timing, but beautiful for the holidays. It WILL be worth the work, won’t it?

Week 5 (December 10-December 16) Finish purchasing gifts. Wrap gifts. Plan son’s birthday day. I think we’ll conquer their tradition desires on that day, like the gingerbread house one that will not die, since his celebration will be a different day. Deadlines: Plays with Fire’s Birthday–Medium Prep. Nutcracker field trip to city–Medium Prep. Carpets installed–Maximum Prep. This will be a crazy week. I need to think now how to keep it manageable.

Week 6 (December 17-December 23) Grocery Shopping and Food Prep. Deadlines: Son’s Birthday–Medium Prep. Family Party #1–Maximum Prep. Am I crazy to plan a party that weekend with family friends? Between the five of us we came up with eight families we would love to celebrate with and about that many families we feel we should invite. Mayday, mayday, beware! Idealistic manic hostess potential resulting in breakdown alert!!

Week 7 (December 24-December 30) Celebrate, relax, and celebrate a bit more. Go to tea at newest well-recommended local tearoom . Deadlines: Christmas Eve and Day–Medium Prep. Friends’ Party #2–Maximum Prep in honor of recently engaged, never married, dear friend who is 37. Much reason to celebrate. Close-knit guest list only.

Writing my plan out again for you shows me the weak spots. The invites for Friends’ Party #1 haven’t been sent out and I need to rethink that one. I think it will have to be like the Christmas cards, why does it need to be THIS month, THAT weekend? I love to host events in my home, and experience has taught me what I can handle. And I always struggle with inviting too many. I need to wrestle with this one a little more.

So how about you? Are you set on what you’re hosting over the next month? Who you’re inviting? Anything need to be thought-through more or is everything in motion? Are you steering the ship or will the waves overtake you? How is your December plan working? Feel free to leave a comment.

And if you hosted an event this last weekend, how did it go? We’d love to hear.

2 comments December 3rd, 2007

How To Be an Unanxious Hostess

If you’re anything like me, your hosting-for-the-holidays anxiety might begin in August.

Our reasons for anxiety might be different. Maybe yours involves family dynamics, money, other responsibilities, or just knowing you’re going to have to clean-the-house-for-real that causes you to fret.

Struggling with anxiety has been one of my lifelong battles. And having people over has been one of my lifelong loves. For the most part, the love has outweighed the battle and I’ve forged ahead. I’ve also learned a few things along the way that I think would helpful for others.

Tea Party Girl’s Keys to Hosting a Party with Less Anxiety

1. Admit the part of entertaining you hate to do or just can’t. Are you hosting an event in your home this December? Is there a part you’re dreading? Then delegate it, cashing in on your resource of money or friendship and spend your time on the part you enjoy. This year I want to be much better about delegating the food for our events. The first year we lived in our current house was also my first year homeschooling. I had a two year-old and offered to host Thanksgiving for twenty-two people. What was I thinking?!
2. Know when enough is enough. Yes, you might love the results of a perfectly clean home or every oak tree wrapped in white lights, but do you enjoy the process of getting there? Maybe not so much. For example, I couldn’t afford to pay anyone this year to deep-clean my home (spring-cleaning happens in November at The Wellspring) except the windows. So I dug in, delegating to the children some of it and conquering certain things that had to happen. I lasted four hours over two days. Yep, that’s it. Love the results, hate the process. Enough is enough.
3. Fight for the part of your event that really matters to you. For example, I really, really, care how the house looks (enough candles and baubles will help cover what the didn’t get cleaned in those four hours). And colored flashing lights on the family tree remind me of neon lights in bars. But I have three children who still think cartoon snowman with tomato-red accessories are darling and love the colored lights. Now they know, Mom is the final authority in one room of the house. Buying $15 tiny trees for them to decorate themselves and put where they want (sans my one room) has saved me a tremendous amount of grief.
4. Give yourself time to prepare. Preparing for hosting an event needs time. Even the most spontaneous and casual among us might have children or a husband that shouldn’t have to race around Cost-co on Christmas Eve. It’s a recipe for exhaustion (often resulting in sickness) and overspending when we don’t make time to prepare for our event. If one of your main jobs is homemaking, it’s a job that never goes away. In a culture of no servants, we still have to feed, clothe, and care for others during the stress of entertaining. So give yourself, even if it’s for your loved ones’ sake, time to prepare.
5. Do not consider the time your guests arrive your deadline. I always try to be done with as much as possible the night before or at least two hours prior to when my guests are supposed to arrive. You need time to shower, get dressed, and relax before the last minute requirements. Examples of last minute requirements are lighting candles, filling water glasses, turning on the music and setting out the already prepared platters of food. Last minute requirements should almost never have to be cleaning the bathroom, baking, setting the table, or deciding what to wear.

So how about you? Do you struggle with being an anxious hostess? What lessons have you learned from your experiences? Any perspective you would like to add?

14 comments November 29th, 2007