Posts filed under 'The Heart of Tea'
What does tea have to do with the expectations we all face at the holidays? Remember the tea lifestyle. Taking time for tea is about stepping back and nurturing yourself and others. It’s about choosing creativity and simple beauty over adrenaline and productivity. And there’s no time like the present to keep these goals and values in the forefront of our minds and lives. I want to tell you through a story how this will help you deal with holiday expectations.
Last week I began a class through Simplify101 to help me Get Organized for the Holidays. Because I committed to the process and took time to answer some key questions, I made some amazing discoveries I want to share with you.
First, we were asked to create our Holiday Inspiration Statement. Doesn’t that sound so much better than a Holiday Vision Statement? Vision tells me where I have to climb and work to get somewhere else. Inspiration helps me take the steps. Who among us needs inspiration more than vision? I’m raising my hand!
Second, we were asked to identify our all-time best holiday memory. Mine was in 1995, when I celebrated Christmas nurturing a one-week old. I identified with Mary, the mother of Jesus, and embraced every nuance of the Christmas story. This is not a memory I can repeat. It’s not a memory I can manufacture. And my heart understood. Even though I am now the homemaker, stocking stuffer (shh…don’t tell the six-year old), and grocery shopper, I am not able to make the magic. It’s not all up to me. The memories will come without me turning into a frenzied, overspending, super-mom. This is critical for my personality to understand. Maybe yours, too.
I can’t share all the questions I was given because this is Simplify101’s material. But I will share with you the result. Once I went through the process, I came up with my inspiration statement. While planning and initiating the activities over the next six weeks:
“I will choose simple joys with others over my independent ideals.”
So what does this mean practically? Well, I’m still working on that part. But here’s a few of my ideas:
- I will choose simple over elaborate meals.
- I will under-buy presents for my children.
- I will choose to spend time on the holiday puzzle with the children over addressing my Christmas cards. After all, this is the last year for them all to be in grammar school together.
- I will not try to wow every neighbor while promoting my business, thank every teacher, or think I have to buy for my husband’s co-worker’s nanny because she once did something nice for us. (Yes, this is how I think!).
I encourage you to engage in a similar exercise. Brew yourself a pot of tea. Find a comfy chair and uncluttered corner. If all your children are over two, shut your door and take at least 20 minutes to yourself. Write down your expectations, or the expectations you imagine others have for you. See if they match up with your understanding of the true meaning of this time of year. If they don’t, what can you do about it? What can you honestly tackle? Where can you let go and trust the memories will happen anyway? Sip your tea. Let the warmth of the beverage AND the warmth of trusting the memories will come comfort you.
November 14th, 2007
Do you remember the scene in Finding Neverland when Peter Pan asks the question? Who claps the soonest with great vigor? It’s the grandmother, the one who disdained J.M. Barrie’s childlikeness, the one whose frown was permanently etched on her face from taking on so many responsibilities. But now she was losing her daughter and desperately needed to believe. And the door of wonder opened for her ever so slightly.
I never used to believe in fairies. Though only in my 20s, the frown crease in the middle of my forehead was already fixed. Life was about responsibility, external morality, and tight time management. I forgot wonder and how to relax. And my body and soul paid the price.
Many, many circumstances altered the course my life was taking. I’ve written more of this story in detail already, if you’re interested. But like the grandmother in Finding Neverland, once I understood opening my heart to wonder would help heal the pain, I clapped loud and vigorously.
It continues to take me by surprise, however, the hard work involved to stay open to receive the gifts of simple beauty. Circumstances and stress push in, crowd out, and multiply like the dust under my couch. Just this week my family’s dealt with poison oak, sleeplessness caused by headgear, dental extractions, and a lost election, just to name a few. A friend experienced her first surgery, a double mastectomy, knowing this is only the beginning of the process. Fires rage in my beloved state. The phone rings, the dishes pile, the traffic’s detoured and now we’re late. Push. Crowd. Squelch. Fairies? Wonder? Enchantment? Pfft…
But this world IS enchanted. Children know it. Spring always comes. And what a thrill my soul tasted when I finally understood adult responsibility didn’t mean a life of no wonder, but a life of preserving it~for my sake, my loved ones’ sake, and those my path crosses, including yours. It’s not a belief that ignores suffering and avoids stress at all cost, but always holds out the hope that it’s not the end of the story.
Are you struggling to believe in fairies; that there’s more to this life than what you immediately perceive? I suggest you stop right now and brew yourself a pot of tea. Take it to your outside, wherever that is, and breathe in…deeply. Listen for the wonder.
It’s there…waiting…
October 24th, 2007
Sometimes I step back, look at my work here at Tea Party Girl and cock my head.
Why is a woman with my intense personality writing about the tea party?
Honestly? Part of it’s because I’m afraid, I’m very afraid.
This post is my entry in Scribbit’s October Write-Away Contest. Because it’s October, the topic chosen was “Things that Scare Me”.
Now, this is the truth. One of the reasons I want to teach others about afternoon tea is because I fear that the mediocre, half-hazard, and low quality will represent our culture and we will let it.
That we are more passionate about finding low prices than supporting the local farmer.
That children won’t know Mozart’s genius or how to make a meal from scratch.
That boys will grow up to be scared young men who only feel comfortable in virtual reality because Mom couldn’t send them into the men’s room in public or let them ride their bikes in the neighborhood.
That my girl and her friends might grow up and want to dress like the Bratz dolls instead of the twirly skirts and ballet shoes they beg for now.
I don’t want our culture to forget simple beauty.
I’ve said it before. “I cannot paint masterpieces. I gave up piano lessons as a young girl to chase boys instead. I live where telephone wires, cement, and more cars than drivers are a reality. A tailor no longer makes my clothes to wear at balls and the middle-class (my friends) shop at Wal-mart. I didn’t have the knowledge or money to purchase a vineyard. So I throw tea parties. Often.”
I’ve watched the transformation over and over again. Weary stay-at-home moms who think life has to be spent shopping at Costco, navigating the media war (How much is too much? What kind is the bad kind?) and stepping on Happy Meal toys come to tea and leave with a new hunger for beauty.
Our souls must have it. And we must fight for it. Does anyone remember the definition of entropy from high school science? Left to their own devices, systems and societies deteriorate unless other forces work against this inevitability. In other words, without the fight or force working against it, we just might choose dinners of cheese puffs and soft drinks in our synthetic (cheap) imported clothes watching re-runs and never learning our neighbors’ names.
Do you fear our culture might forget what is beautiful? How are you fighting for beauty in your life and the souls you help nurture? What do you find beautiful? Do you give yourself permission to need it everyday? Why or why not? I’d love to read your responses in the comments below.
October 17th, 2007
Do you really believe it?
Do you live like this is true?
My Personal Battle for Simplicity: One of my biggest struggles as a parent is to balance my children’s youthful energy with my older needs. (Almost) everyday my children hit the ground running, full of anticipation with what the day will bring. The last question one of my children in particular asks me before he says good night is, “What are we doing tomorrow?” Sometimes they appreciate a quiet day, but never as many as I do (or would if I could). And as a parent, I often need to say and teach them to appreciate that today is going to be a simple day.
What is it about getting older that helps me appreciate simpler days? I think it’s because of the level of responsibility I now manage. After all, who stands at the altar, or graduates from college and really understands parenting, mortgages, and health challenges? I vaguely remember days when I watched three movies in a row (I needed some downtime!) or spent my evenings however I wanted. But those days are long gone as I now teach children to accept responsibility. (”No! Shut the glass shower doors BEFORE you practice your swimming kicks in the bathtub!” “You mean you lost your dental appliance, AGAIN!?” “Good job, Boy Scout, holding the door open for that lady.”).
I know we all remember things our mothers said in exasperation. My children will take a couple phrases with them including, “Why do simple things have to be so complicated?!” Yes, I do say this quite often, especially with my highly creative 9yo who lives in a different dimension. “What do you mean you forgot to put on your shoes?”
I am a woman who craves simplicity.
Some of us may be able to manipulate our lives in order to manage the chaos from taking over. But often life takes us for a ride and many choices are taken away from us, for whatever reason. A family member faces serious illness. A financial decision turns sour. A spouse makes decisions that affect you, but you have little control over. You’re diagnosed with clinical depression. The simple becomes complicated. What can you do?
One of the criticisms I receive as a fan of the tea party is that tea is stuffy and not for today, filled with etiquette rules and stiff conversation. This is despite the fact that men and women alike in all kinds of cultures take breaks for tea regularly. And I can’t help but wonder where tea received its bad-rap. Because the truth is, tea’s reputation instead should be seen as the stress reducer many cultures, whatever struggles their daily lives faced, understood.
” The first cup moistens my lips and throat; The second cup breaks my loneliness..”–Lu Tung, Chinese poet during T’Ang dynasty (618-907 A.D.)
“If you are cold, tea will warm you. If you are too heated, it will cool you. If you are depressed, it will cheer you. If you are excited, it will calm you.” ~William Gladstone, British Prime Minister, 1865
More of us face life with stress than without. Some of it is under our control, some of it is not. But choosing to take moments to step back, and appreciate the simple gifts IS in our control. And my heart, as Tea Party Girl, is to help people appreciate the simple gift of taking tea. If you haven’t yet brought the simple gift of a tea ritual into your day, what’s stopping you? It’s time to get started. Incorporate the daily tea ritual into your life, today! Some key articles to help you get started are:
The Beginner’s Quick and Simple Guide to Brewing Looseleaf Tea
The Top Ten Reasons a Daily Cup of Tea is Essential to Living
The Secret to the Simple and Quick Tea Party
October 10th, 2007
One of the incredible pluses of schooling my children at home is taking the time to read novels aloud. I try to incorporate them with the time of history we’re studying, but feeling a little tired of Ancient Egypt and Greece stories, we decided to switch gears and read The Hobbit together. And as Tea Party Girl and a writer, I cherish the opening scene.
Many of you may already be familiar with the early life of Bilbo Baggins. He lives in and loves the Shire, and when we are first introduced to him we’re told his family is very respectable because:
“they never had any adventures or did anything unexpected.”
Bilbo meets Gandalf the wizard, who’s reputation’s less spotless, shall we say, and Bilbo keeps up his guard.
“Sorry! I don’t want any adventures, thank you. Not today. Good morning! But please come to tea–any time you like! Why not tomorrow? Come tomorrow! Goodbye!” With that the hobbit turned and scuttled inside his round green door, and shut it as quickly as he dared, not to seem rude. Wizards after all are wizards.
“What on earth did I ask him to tea for!” he said to himself. He had only just had breakfast, but he thought a cake or two and a drink of something would do him good after his fright.
If you know the rest of the story, Bilbo’s fright, the challenge of hospitality with politeness, and possibilities of adventures are only beginning as Gandalf calls a secret meeting of many dwarfs who show up to Bilbo’s hobbit hole the following day right at teatime. And Bilbo ends up serving everything BUT tea. The “open-to-adventures” dwarfs and wizard would rather drink ale, porter, coffee, and a little red wine with their scones and cakes.
Oh, the humor as Tolkien describes the tension Bilbo feels trying to graciously serve the assuming dwarfs whose priorities are not on perfect manners or overstaying their welcome. Haven’t you been there? I certainly have. And I definitely know what it’s like to needs cakes and a drink after breakfast to help me recover from my fright.
So far today I only drank (have drunk?) tea standing up. Three different neighbors/friends stopped by (only one planned) and I didn’t serve tea to any of them. As I raced out of the house this afternoon without contacts or make-up, cramming down an apple and peanut butter with a handful of crackers, I consoled myself. At least today I’ve been open to adventures!
If you and I have the heart of a hobbit and hospitality, dwarfs and adventures with all their unpredictability and messiness will find their way to our front door and maybe even our tea table. My unexpected guests today were not as lucky. My heart, as Tea Party Girl, however is to welcome anyone to tea, even if their a little hairy or ask for something that causes me to scramble a bit. You never know where a new alliance will lead.
How do you handle unexpected guests?
Even the hairy ones?
October 3rd, 2007
Next Posts
Previous Posts
