17 Comments Add your own

• 1. Lisa  |  May 28th, 2008 at

  I know that I have fallen into this bad habit. I will try to be more aware and use more respectful terms. Thanks!

• 2. Kim  |  May 28th, 2008 at

  I believe the real failing is in the English language. Using ‘you’ to refer to a group is ambiguous and, unless it is accompanied by obvious stares at every person present, it can be easily misinterpretted. The south uses ‘you all, or y’all’ and everyone began to use ‘you guys’. It says something for how well integrated feminism is–I’ve never considered it gender-specific. ‘Course, I always have been ‘one of the guys’ working in mechanical engineering. I could easily write a rant complaining about men apologizing for their language because I was in the room.

• 3. Victoria Neely  |  May 28th, 2008 at

  If I’m with a party of women and we’re called “guys,” it doesn’t bother me; it’s as neutral as a pair of jeans to me. I chalk it up to a lack of a good female version of the word “guy” that rolls off your tongue.

  I don’t want to be called a “girl.” “Lady” is fine, but a bit crisp and formal to me.

  It bothers me far more to be called a “gal.” My mind resists accepting it as a female version of “guy.” The very sound of it grates me.

• 4. Madame Monet  |  May 28th, 2008 at

  This is a very interesting post. I’m afraid I grew up with everyone of my own generation (in Denver in the 60’s) using “you guys.” I realized when I read your post that I still use it. In fact, I used it in a very important (although informal) business meeting just a couple of days ago, after the majority of the meeting broke up and there were just three of us left.

  I never considered “guys” as referring to men. I always understood it to refer to people.

  I do feel uncomfortable when people say ladies. I had a boy in my third-grade class from the South, and he always addressed me as “Yes, Ma’am.” I didn’t encourage it because where I was brought up, that denotes servility rather than politeness. This boy said where he was from (Tennessee) it is how his parents taught him to be polite.

  I don’t mind being addressed as Ladies and Gentlemen. But it was not until I read you post that I could put my finger on what bothers me about being addressed as a “lady.” It’s that it’s gotten to mean someone of your grandmother’s age. Now that I’m getting to that age, I don’t mind so much. But I see that in offices, women are usually referred to as “girls” (even if they are in their 50’s), when they are not being referred to as “guys.” I do think “ladies” has gotten to mean little old ladies in their 70’s, as an unconscious connotation.

  However, after your thoughtful post, I think I will reconsider what I am saying (and thinking), and perhaps make some changes.

  Best regards,
  Madame Monet
  Writing, Painting, Music, and Wine
  winewriter.wordpress.com

• 5. Francie  |  May 28th, 2008 at

  “you guys” bothers me too…but ya’ll makes me happy ! I believe it might be a regional thing…being from the South “ma’am” and “sir” are respectful salutations as well as “ladies”. I don’t particularly like being called a “girl” because it seems disrespectful…gee whatever happened to respect? I certainly don’t mind being called a lady…even if sometimes (hanging my head in shame) I don’t live up to the title. I’m afraid good manners have been dumped curbside and left for the trash men to haul away.
  Thanks for letting me say that

• 6. Tarie  |  May 29th, 2008 at

  I think you have a good point. There are certainly situations where using “you guys” is not appropriate. For example, I would never use it while talking to a group of senior citizens and I would never use it while talking to clients (even if they were younger than me).

• 7. prwells  |  May 29th, 2008 at

  I agree with that, although I believe that the English language is causing people to use “you guys” more and more. I think people feel awkward calling a group “you” when you is more frequently used to address one person. So they insert “guys” to make it plural, it being the only word they can think of. Part of that is because of the fact that people have been saying “you guys” for a while.
  I think that if the English language used you as plural, as many other languages do, we wouldn’t have as much of a problem.

• 8. millie  |  May 29th, 2008 at

  Had never heard ‘you guys’ until I moved to TX 25 years ago. Still, to this day, find it absolutely the worst wording when addressing a group of any kind, whether it be all males, a mixed group, and even worse, all females.

  I ten to look around like they’re addressing someone ‘behind us’ (couldn’t possibly be my group of ladies), and then say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were addressing a group of men behind us”.

  I do, however, love the usage of “y’all” instead of ‘you people’.

• 9. Alice  |  May 29th, 2008 at

  My husband and I are shocked at the number of people who address us with “you guys” when we go out to eat. We do not return to those restaurants where the help has not been properly trained. It is totally inexcusable!

• 10. Angela McRae  |  May 29th, 2008 at

  Oh, let’s not call it being “nit-picky.” Let’s just say you are being “careful” and “meticulous” about our use of the language, and that is a good thing! I have to admit, though, I find it rather amusing to picture women at tea being addressed as “you guys.” Of course here in my region of the country, the word “y’all” can cover a multitude of grammatical sins!

• 11. Juicy Jenn  |  May 30th, 2008 at

  Ok, I may be the only one here who actually say…well, I don’t think its that big of a deal. I mean relatively speaking. Sure its slang and perhaps lazy in terminology but I think in the scheme of things…being referred to as “you guys” wouldn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother me. I think my child picking his nose or burping out in public…or say, using boy terms for going to use the bathroom, bothers me. After you’ve had your little boy or big one, make body function noises in public restaurants, I think you could call me “guy” and I would not notice much beyond the incredible fire bolt that lept from my eyeballs toward the son with apparently talking body parts.

• 12. JNC  |  May 30th, 2008 at

  I totally agree~~~to the point that when my daughter turned 16 and we went out with a group of females and were addressed as guys I said, “I don’t see any guys at this table.” There after the young man addressed us as ladies.
  To many women don’t want to be ‘female’ and I think that is where the problem lies. Do we even act feminine anymore? Personally I find it rude to be called guys. We are female after all and if more of us were proud of that fact, enjoyed being female and acted feminine maybe things would change.
  Totally not part of the feminist movement.
  Thanks for posting this article.

• 13. alicia  |  May 31st, 2008 at

  Good morning Ladies. I have to say that the term “you guys” isn’t offensive to me as I do not consider it to be gender specific in it’s use. In a tea setting; however, I would not expect to hear it. The love of tea and the taking of it transcends gender and socio-economic boundaries; therefore, I must address the above post referring to servers as “the help” as being quite boorish. The appropriate use of verbiage falls to each of us. I would gently express my opinion to my server as they are probably not aware of their misnomer.
  Being from Texas, we use the term “y’all” in most settings and have raised our children to say their ma’am and sirs.

• 14. jk  |  May 31st, 2008 at

  I can’t believe y’all are fussing over the most accurate and acceptable use of the English language and the title of the original post contains a gross, but often committed error that was called out by nobody.

  I don’t know why everybody thinks that the use of the subjective pronoun “I” is always required when referring to multiple people. The correct title should be, “PLEASE Stop Calling My Daughter and Me Guys!” The sentence structure calls for the OBJECTIVE pronoun, which happens to be “me” and not “I”.

  Now, regarding your article I agree with what has already been mentioned. The Southern tradition of calling multiple subjects “y’all” is a pretty good alternative to the plural “you.”

• 15. Madame Monet  |  June 2nd, 2008 at

  Thinking about someone’s comment above, if I were in a restaurant (especially a casual or family restaurant) I would be totally comfortable with someone addressing my table as, “What would you guys like?” I am actually a person who enjoys formality, and who thinks I have good manners.

  So, this leads me to think that this is a regional (and casual) way of addressing a group. I am originally from Denver (although I now live in Morocco), where I grew up hearing this everywhere, and still use it myself (although now I will think more carefully about it). The other person above mentioned that they heard it a lot in Texas. So, does this mean perhaps it is used widely in the West? What do other people think about this?

  Madame Monet
  Writing, Painting, Music, and Wine
  winewriter.wordpress.com

• 16. Beth  |  June 2nd, 2008 at

  Here in Boston I hear (and say) “you guys” a lot. We know you’re from out of town if you say “y’all!” I am not offended by “you guys” but I do try to say “ladies” when I am talking to all women. I have 3 sons, though, so I do fall back on “you guys” a lot.

• 17. James  |  June 19th, 2008 at

  Maybe it’s because I’m a guy and not uncommonly to some females a member of a gender that’s considered callous, but this is a genuine question:

  Why are people so offended by a certain word when it’s pretty obvious that the person is not using it with the intention to offend? Not everyone uses the same words the same way. Some here have made some good points that due to both age and location these words have different meanings.

  People are so sensitive to things these days that it almost seems that we need to re-write English just so we don’t offend. But then who would be the one to say what words everyone else should and shouldn’t use?

  Just a thought, but how about this: if someone says something that irritates or offends you, then calmly and politely ask them not to use that term.

  On the other hand, we could always save face and just address each other as we would the queen of England.

  I realize that what I’ve said may have sounded flippant, however it was not intended to come accross that way. Sorry if what I said offended anyone.

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