Comments on: PLEASE Stop Calling My Daughter and I (Me*) Guys!

By: Janet

Janet — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:36:53 +0000

I found this post while searching for last- minute tips for my annual Valentine’s Day Tea Party. The comment that bothers me more than all of the others combined is “young lady” directed at adult women, sometimes obviously elderly women. What is that? The only time that I don’t find it offensive if it is spoken by a gentleman who is much older than I am.

I have heard this comment from young men in their twenties, generally in a setting such as a restaurant or theatre directed at women my age (late 40’s) or my mother’s age.

I really think that I am going to start my own, unofficial poll to find out what it’s about. As a side note, one time when I accompanied my 85 year old father to a doctor’s appointment, the physician addressed him as “young man”. I found this demeaning and I told him that he could address my father by his name or by “sir”.

Generally I do try to avoid taking offense where none is intended, but there are limits!

By: Nee_Ni

Nee_Ni — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:43:10 +0000

My daughter had a 7th Birthday Tea Party with her cousins and friend ages 7 to 17. We talked to them about etiquette and talking when passing tea. We didn’t have a problem with them saying you guys but ain’t was said alot. The younger ones were correcting the older ones. They all had a blast and said they would like to come to another tea.

By: Alyssa

Alyssa — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:50:35 +0000

I am 18 years old, and during the summer, I work at the Santa Fe Opera as an usher. When addressing patrons, I ALWAYS use terms and phrases like “next to that gentleman in the red…”, “would you ladies like…”, “if you folks wouldn’t mind…”. Apart from basic civility, we never know when we’re talking to the next multi-millionaire donor, so we NEVER use terms like “y’all”, “you guys”, etc. that could give a bad impression. Yet somehow, once the summer is over, all of this polite language escapes me, and I never think twice about being called “you guys” when in a female group. Perhaps most college students of this day don’t blink at it, but even though I’ve had training in formal language, I just don’t expect it to be used outside formal situations.

By: Sherri

Sherri — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 03:39:03 +0000

Ladies, I agree that manners are very important. It seems to me that it is just as important to speak correctly as it is to be kind and considerate of others. We should never be snobbish or rude to others if they call us guys or gals. There are many more important things in life to be concerned with. Are our lives really that shallow?

By: NwWoman

NwWoman — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:51:19 +0000

I agree with Wendy. The topic truly is one of good manners.

But in today’s world, unfortunately, I see an uncomfortably significant number of Americans who find manners, morality and virtue to be old-fashioned. Blushing, if you have noticed, seems to be disappearing as part of our evolution. I am sad that a lack of manners, feel-good/do it behavior are the characteristics of progress.

By: eloise

eloise — Mon, 25 May 2009 15:11:24 +0000

“you guys” certainly beats “youse guys” which is heard in some parts of the country. The terms “girls” or “women” have significance considering the diversity of our country. Calling an unmarried female a “woman” in some cultures implies that she has been intimate with someone. It’s an insult. The safest and politest choice is to use the plural “you” — unless there are important titles to be considered. “May I get you anything else?” is far politer than “May I get you guys, or youse guys, or y’all, or all y’all anything else?” But, having said this, any attempt to treat others respectfully, even when regional or informal terms are used, should be met with politeness and gratitude.

By: Wendy :)

Wendy :) — Thu, 14 May 2009 23:45:27 +0000

Ladies, ladies, ladies! I’m reading comments and am astounded by the level of digression from the actual subject. I do not believe we are talking about offensive or not and who cares about gender-schmender. We are talking about self respect, decent behavior and good manners pure and simple.

Addressing ladies as ‘Ladies’ is respectful, traditional and timeless, always correct, honest, true, international and honoring.

Look at it this way. Acting and speaking like a lady will more often than not get you treated like a lady. Think hard and search deep because it’s not about power or demanding respect from the world but for yourself as a woman. I love being a woman! Why do we let the worlds current views dictate when good manners expires?

I’m a lady and I wanted to be treated and spoken to as one. (Smile)

By: Lea

Lea — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 16:55:47 +0000

I grew up in the South, and now I live on the East Coast. I see a dividing line between North and South. You Guys is very Northern and it seems to start in Maryland and travel up the coast. Ya’ll is Southern, and is a way of saying I am from the South and proud of it. If I were in a formal setting I would say “you all”.

By: Graymalkin

Graymalkin — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:34:53 +0000

Several years ago I was a contributing writer for a regional magazine. I was also the only male on the staff. I recall that the editor was so sensitive about using “gender specific” terms; thus, she preferred “first-year student” to “freshman,’ and so forth. I though it was typical PC silliness, but complied.
Then one day she entered a room where only females sat and asked, “What are you guys doing for lunch?”
I pointed out to Ms Politically Correct Non-gender specific how inappropriate it is to use the slang term for males - guys - when addressing women. For some reason (maybe because the concept was completely new to her), she just didn’t get it.
I said, “Would you ever refer to a girl or woman, singularly, as a ‘guy’?” She blinked a few times, which I accepted as a ‘no.’ “Then why refer to girls or women, collectively, as ‘guys’?” She stammered a bit, and I felt I’d made my point as best as I could.
Casual or not, I don’t like it. It’s about as ridiculous as someone addressing a mixed group - or worse, a group of males - as ‘gals’.
Using ‘guys’ so commonly is bad enough, but when I see a young ‘wait staff person’ (waiter or waitress in more sensible, less overly sensitive times) address an elderly customers, whether a couple, two men or two women, as ‘guys,’ it bothers me. Show some bloody respect, for crying out loud!
I have on occasion peaceably protested by using the singular. Someone asks where the manager is. I point to a young woman and reply, “That guy over there.” A woman does me a favor. “Thanks,” I say “You’re a nice guy!” They may not be insulted by the plural form, but they’re not too crazy about being addressed in the singular form!
I wish at least people in the service industry would use “you folks” instead of “you guys”. It just shows more class.
Of course, being Southern, I address any group, two to two thousand, as “y’all.” That simplifies things considerably, and always gets a smile from Yankee ladies.
I reckon they thing it’s quaint.
At least it shows better sense that folks who address everyone as “you guys”!

By: James

James — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:57:52 +0000

Maybe it’s because I’m a guy and not uncommonly to some females a member of a gender that’s considered callous, but this is a genuine question:

Why are people so offended by a certain word when it’s pretty obvious that the person is not using it with the intention to offend? Not everyone uses the same words the same way. Some here have made some good points that due to both age and location these words have different meanings.

People are so sensitive to things these days that it almost seems that we need to re-write English just so we don’t offend. But then who would be the one to say what words everyone else should and shouldn’t use?

Just a thought, but how about this: if someone says something that irritates or offends you, then calmly and politely ask them not to use that term.

On the other hand, we could always save face and just address each other as we would the queen of England.

I realize that what I’ve said may have sounded flippant, however it was not intended to come accross that way. Sorry if what I said offended anyone.