Comments on: Why Don’t People RSVP and Bring Hostess Gifts?

By: Betti

Betti — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 10:10:08 +0000

I’m 22 from the UK and it drives me CRAZY when my friends do not RSVP, I have always loved holding parties and have done so since I was 16, but I have to explain time and time again, sometimes even to the same friends that have been to every party, that I need at least a rough idea of numbers, because how else can you plan properly?
However, the hostess gifts thing I’m not hugely bothered by it as its not something thats really done round here (for my age group anyway) but sometimes people do bring gifts and its always welcomed. We also have a sort of unspoken rule that guests bring some food or drink to help out at the party if they want to. Especially if they want alcohol!
I don’t know if I’ve just been brought up with more manners than my friends… I have always been accused of being ‘posh’!
I have a Tea Party coming up in 3 weeks and so far I have 2 people confirmed, 5 declined, and 30 ‘awaiting replies’ which is incredibly frustrating!
By the way, just discovered this site a few days ago and I love it!

By: rsleeper

rsleeper — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 06:10:46 +0000

I do RSVP unless I happen to forget, and I usually take a hostess gift, unless I have been asked to provide in some way for the party.
I would say, that when a party is the vehicle for selling a product such as candles or jewelry, I think the hostess needs to give a bit of leeway regarding RSVP, for there is an agenda in inviting people, not just a desire to get together. There are some who are put off by invitations to parties that are given for the purpose of selling a product. I think the idea of people being really busy is a very great possibility for the reason behind failure to rsvp. I don’t know an answer to the problem, but I would say, that if it is practical, I don’t think it is unwise to give a kind call to those who haven’t responded to see if they are coming. Also, I wonder if soliciting a response via email would garner more complicity as so many are online these days, and a response is really just a click away….

By: susan veronesi

susan veronesi — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 12:58:39 +0000

I recently hostessed a jewelry party, the jewelry was fantastic and each invited guest received a small booklet with some of the jewelry choices. I received 2 RSVP out of 32 invitations sent! So rude… I spent half of a morning calling the people so i could determine how much food to make! The woman who said ” Did you ever think you are just loading people who are so busy with one more burden when you invite them to an event”? I have this to say in reply to her… it takes 30 seconds to make a phone call to RSVP…BE CONSIDERATE, GROW UP, BE RESPONSIBLE, PUT YOURSELF IN THE HOSTESS”S POSITION! thank you!

By: Therese

Therese — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:26:47 +0000

I just gave a shower and a wedding for my daughter both events we had return stamped RSVP - we included “I will attend” and “I will not be able to attend” and the number of people. To let people know that we expected the card back either way. Still didn’t help - we had over 400 invited to the wedding and three days before the RSVP due date we only had about 75 that responded . So we sent a reminder postcard to remind them the wedding was around the corner and we needed a count to reserve their seat (because I didn’t want to call 325 people and then it seems like you are begging them to come) the reminder postcards helped so much! But it’s a shame to have to pay extra postage to remind people. For the wedding we sent the cards out close to the RSVP due date just like 10 days (thinking if we sent them out too early people put them to the side and forget about them) and that didn’t help either. Even with the reminder postcards we still had people that didn’t respond and came anyway. I don’t understand why people won’t send the RSVP which means to respond either way. Everyone has given a party so they should know that people need a head count to plan and prepare so I think it’s very rude. Also I can’t begin to tell you how many people RSVP two weeks or more after the due date - I think that is rude to think you can send the card back at anytime. Come on people send those RSVP cards on time- you have a stamp so how much does it take to drop it in the mail? You would want the same respect if you were giving a party.

By: Bonnie Gustin

Bonnie Gustin — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:32:39 +0000

Hi I read all the responses and they gave me some good advise.
I was hoping I could have a question answered though. I did not seem to find a situation that related to mine. I am giving my daughter a Bridal Shower is August. And I already sent out the Invitations. I gave until July 24th for their reply. I sent out 53 invitations and only have had 10 so far. I am planning for 40 guests.
If I dont get everyones I elaborated for them to RSVP. If I dont hear from them all, is it RUDE to call them and ask if they are planning on coming. Your advise is much apprecaited. Thanks

By: Mary

Mary — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 04:44:17 +0000

I guess I’m a rude hostess. I and my husband give guests several opportunities to let us know if they’re coming to one of our parties, and if they don’t commit, but show up, we welcome them with a surprised, “How nice to see you, we thought you weren’t coming!” and go rummaging around for extra chairs in front of everybody.

I always RSVP immediately or I’ll forget. I once had a roomate who waited till the last minute to see if she’d get a better offer. So rude.

I like to bring a small CONSUMABLE hostess gift, usually unusual or scenic cocktail napkins that will be conversation starters at some later gathering.

I’m shy about “Thank you’s”, but it gets exponentially harder the longer you wait, so best to call the next morning, even if you know you’ll get the answering machine.

After all, the hostess not only cooked, she cleaned her house!

With potlucks, which is pretty common among us working folks, RSVPs aren’t as important, but still you want to know if there’s going to be a dessert. No gift. And a happy and prolonged goodbye suffices, thought it’s fun to get a call the next day.

By: Jay

Jay — Fri, 22 May 2009 23:43:44 +0000

Not RSVP-ing –> unforgiveable, there is no excuse.

Showing up with no host gift –> tacky, but guess it all depends on your upbringing. I would rather die than show up empty handed, and think it’s great fun to find something fun to take the host.

No thank you note –> again, show what kind of upbrining you had - people that don’t write thank yous are making an etiquette breach of the most serious nature.

By: Deanna

Deanna — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 23:05:30 +0000

I wished more people would be considerate, I invited 20 ladies for an afternoon tea, it was alot of work to prepare my home and make enough sweets and savories along with a variety of teas, none RSVPed, twelve showed up and only one brought a hostess gift which I was not expecting but was thrilled to receive. however, we did have alot of fun, so I threw another party, this time not only did I send out invitations, I followed up with a phone call and an option to bring some sweets or savories. I ended up with a better turn out and a fabulous spread of delectable goodies.

By: barbara norris

barbara norris — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 03:12:07 +0000

I am 28 and always RSVP - Now don’t spank I have on the occasion forgot to RSVP when I was not attending but I would never show up to something unexpected nor would I ever not show up to something I RSVP’d to

I get so mad when people RSVP then do not show up - I would rather had you not say anything to me at all

As far as hostess gifts I don’t do that and would be quite surprised to see someone doing that - Now if I go somewhere I ask if they need anything and will bring what is needed but as far as providing someone a gift I don’t do it

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:11:56 +0000

I’m sorry, but I don’t agree that anyone can be too busy to RSVP. I also have a very busy schedule, but it doesn’t take any time at all to make a quick phone call to say if you are coming or not. If you are opening your mail, then you have a quick minute. Just grab your calendar, and if it’s empty on that day, then you can write the invite down and rsvp. If something else comes up, then the party has priority because it was requested first. If the date is full on your calendar, then rsvp a regret just as quickly.
I also agree with other posters who have mentioned “consumable” hostess gifts.
I am only 30, and I would feel awful not calling with a rsvp to an invitation, or not bringing a hostess gift to a dinner party/tea/etc.
I do encounter this a lot, though, with events that I host or help to plan. There is such a lack of respect for the hostesses when people do not rsvp.